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Weekend Gossip-Recognizing And Handling Enemies Disguised As Friends

todayOctober 11, 2019

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Relationships that are good and healthy are a lifeline most times.However, some friends don’t act like friends. Perhaps it is their own dissatisfaction in life that they feel the need to put you down. Perhaps there is jealousy. Perhaps your friend critiques you constantly. When unhappiness, resentment or judgment comes into a friendship – that relationship can become toxic. How do you recognize an enemy disguised as a friend?…

  • Spotting the enemy. “frenemies” can be hard to recognize because they start out as a friend. However, their comments, actions and tones impact negatively on how you feel about the relationship.
  • How do YOU feel? Do you feel frustrated? Angry? Pathetic? Tired? – after meeting with this friend? Your feelings are a flag as to the state of the relationship. Is this person good for you?
  • Are they builders or destroyers? Do they build up your self-esteem by loving your new haircut or destroying your self-image by putting down your weight? Sometimes it is hard to differentiate constructive, well-meant, criticism with negative, well-placed, digs. A builder is a friend. A destroyer is an enemy.
  • Are they serial-negativity-spreaders? Everyone can have a bad day – saying the wrong thing (it happens) however enemies make put-downs a recurring part of your relationship.
  • Frenemy language. Enemies might be perfectly friendly to you – but then say or do things against you behind your back. They may speak negatively about you, your career, your parenting style, your kids or your partner (directly to you or behind your back). You might not even hear the “words” of a “frenemy” but instead feel the eye rolls, head shakes or pursed lips. Is this a friend?
  • Actions make re-actions. Perhaps the friend is perfectly lovely – but their actions are not. Ever hosted a play date where the friend’s child bullies your child and the friend doesn’t step in? Does it happen over and over – every time the kids get together? The friend’s action (or non-action) is not good for your child. Is this a friend or an enemy? So What should you do if you recognize a “frenemy”?

  • Find out why they hate you, be mature and apologize if it was your fault
    If you try to help people who are purportedly hostile and they retaliate unkindly, stop helping.
  • Surround yourself with friends and people who like you for who you are.
  • Take a time out. Put some time and space between your meetings; allowing you time to think about the relationship.
  • How’s your health? Is this relationship causing you stress? Stomach aches? Difficulty sleeping or eating? Does this relationship negatively impact other relationships? A frenemy can influence your body health and relationship health just as much as your emotional health.
  • Finally,Break-Up. If you are really being hurt by this friend Have the respect and courage to make a break-up phone call or a face-to-face meeting.appreciate them ad give them your strong reasons why it is better for you both
  • Better safe than sorry..Good luck


Written by: Mimi Dogo

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